"You and me, we're gonna have a problem"

In the summer of 2011, this wave of fitness took over me and the only thing I was doing in my evening hours was spending serious time at the gym. And the rest of the day, morning, afternoon and nights were spent thinking about the growth I’d shown and looking at a shirtless me in the mirror.(which was not bad at all mind you).

My ‘bookmarks’ tab that would mostly consist of Aletta Ocean links and some sex comics stuff was over written by Kai Greene motivation stories and Ronnie Coleman training videos and experts reviewing the supplements I was on.


Anyway the preface being mentioned, here comes the story. Now before I narrate it , this story is an inspiration from lots of stories. It’s a fictitious encounter. I collected some part of this stuff from one source and some from some other one and eventually ended up making this motivation story in my mind. When I googled this, I didn’t find any such piece written. So I’m claiming copyrights on this one hell yeah!  So imagine any of your role models. Any fitness icons you’ve admired (for me it has always been Kizzito Ejam) and imagine him narrating the following one:

"You and me, we're gonna have a problem"

       “You and me, we’re gonna have a problem” (The diary of a bodybuilder)

I remember when I was 14. The meek fellow. The loner. The one easily bullied over. The one always repelled. The kid nobody wanted to talk to. So I’m sitting on the playground bench one day when the school bully shows up with his team mates and threatens me for my lunch money. I refuse. He asks again, this time more emphatically. I say no again. He punches me hard. I fall on my face. Nose bleeding. He snatches the money from me while one of his boys spits on me.  I give him shit. He slaps me back. This time with his knuckles on. He grabs me from my hair, looks at me and says ‘You and me, we’re gonna have a problem.’

Then came college. My tradition of living in the denial continues there too. But we’re instinctive creatures. We want to go beyond our safe zone. So one day I try to flip it over. I muster the guts to talk to this girl I had a thing for. That day at the canteen I walk up to her and do a ‘Hey wassup!’ She looks at me with a wicked look. Doesn’t answer.  Her big bad guy shows up out of nowhere. Asks me what was I doing. I don’t say a word and start walking. He grabs my collar. Throws me a punch that nearly broke my jaw. I fall down. Blood dripping again. He kicks me in my chest. Steps over me, gives me a straight look and says ‘You and me, we’re gonna have a problem’.

Then I’m at my gym. The weakest fellow there. So I walk up to this big guy and ask him if he’s done with the barbells so I can use them. He is one egoistic bastard. He says he isn’t done while he is not even using it anymore. Anyway  I wait. He makes me wait more. And more. And more. Without giving a damn I pick that barbell up and start walking when he grabs me from my wrist. Twists it. I drop the rod on the floor. He looks at me and says ‘Kid, you and me. We’re gonna have a problem.’

And today,

Its been 8 years since I’ve been working out. I’m 6 feet 7. 250 pounds. Not the one you’d ever mess with. But having been  on the receiving end of it, I know how it is. I am still the loner. I don’t talk to my gym people. Just me and my machines. However, like I said we are instinctive creatures. And so is this son of a bitch who lives within me. Who wants to party every weekend. Wants to get drunk every Saturday. Wants to nail all the hot chicks. Wants to skip the last few reps. Doesn’t want to eat those shitty chicken and rice combo. But the moment it flaps its wings and starts getting out of comprehension. I grab him by  his neck. Grapple him. Look at him in the eye and say ‘You and me, we’re gonna have a problem.’