It is the place we tend to avoid, the station we never want to pause at, the part we spurn, the junction we hate when arrives. However, like one of the many worldly miens of life, this too is inevitable. Its called square one.
We have been through it, in and out of it, maybe are still into it, or at most, just got out of it last week. As for me, I never thought I'd fall into it, but little did I know, one of the major things that decide your arrival on a junction is when you decide to go back the same old road thinking the place might have changed, altered, renovated, or destroyed. What sends goosebumps to you is the utter fact that out of the very few things in scenario, square one never changes, never renovates.
Down the same old lane, as I walked by today evening, I was greeted by it at the very doorstep, same as always, profound within, gravity that never deceased realizing which I withdrew myself from the chains and tried to pretend like it couldnt get a hold of me, but it did. I was already in the chains, tied, held, clutched, and defeated.
To some of you, square one might mean your family, the girl/guy who left you waiting by, to some of you it might be your paranoia. Be it whatever, square one is an uninvited junction, because no square one can ever symbolize health, prosperity and tranquility.
If in case you are one of those few lucky ones who have never been there, I insist you not to read further.
Square one is an anxiety, its a trauma, its a pause button, its a halt end. For me, it has always been a day spent in pins and needles. It is a phase, where all your remedies seem to fail. Music, alcohol, sex, weed. Nothing works! It gets you by the wrist, spits on you, plays with you, tortures you like a cruel enemy, fists you, threatens you, brings back your darkest nightmares, and the funny part is, it leaves without a trace. Nothing for you to collect evidence from, sulk it up, dry yourself up. You wake up, shredding the dust from your clothes, realizing what was it, thinking how worst it could have been. It leaves you without a hot lead, but with straight goosebumps. You deal with it eventually, deal with every penny of it, the isolation, the voices in your head, the monotony, the shadows, everything.
As the night sweeps in, so does your loneliness, the fear, the misery. But you sleep with them, because every morning is a new challenge, new place. new horizons. Deep down somewhere we all have a square one....and a train waiting to leave....some or the other moment, you will board it....I got off mine just now...
:)
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